Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Diaries of a hypochondriac

Health problem 1: 
Over the last month, I have had an uncomfortable sensation in my right knee cap that has now progressed to pain upon most knee movements. I experience great difficulty negotiating steps; I am now the one who causes a traffic jam of people whenever I am ascending or descending stairs. I hobble, I hop and I stop to rest a lot. To all the old ladies and men that I have cursed under my breath for taking too long to mobilise, I am sorry; truly, I am sorry. 

Luckily I am surrounded by physiotherapists who, after poking and prodding my knee, have collectively diagnosed my problem as 'Patella tracking syndrome' or more commonly known as the runners knee. Apparently it is an overuse syndrome and according to google, very common in atheletes. I wanted to laugh in disbelief because I have not exercised properly in years. I could not, for the life of me, figure how I could have this problem. I thought long and hard about it and finally identified the cause. First, I rationalised that this discomfort began shortly after I had moved to London; then I remembered all the walking and my poor fitness levels; then I realised that I only ever used the car to get anywhere in perth; then I stopped complaining about my knee altogether because it doesn't sound impressive that I got it from an increase in walking.

Health problem 2:
As mentioned in my previous blog, I had a sudden onset of lower back pain yesterday. I had just finished using the disabled toilet at work. Yes I know, why the disabled toilet? In my defence, all the other toilets were being used and I was busting. Just as I was about to unlock the door, I felt this sudden onset of pain in my lower back/backside. It progressed to a heavy weird numbing sensation and I could not move my legs. So there I stood with one hand on the door handle frozen, silently freaking out. I was too embarrassed to call out for help. So when I felt it was safe, I managed to grab a rail with my other hand and then like a crab, I slowly walked back to the toilet to sit down for a bit. Thank god I was in the disabled toilet. 

In these few moments, my crazy mind was out of control "Oh my god, I'm paralysed. I have a tumour on my spine! Joyjit is going to leave me, he won't want to look after a disabled person; he's going to have to get me a wheelchair. Oh no I will have to go downstairs to A&E and stay at work longer. This is so inconvenient!". Anyway, to cut a long story short, I was FINE. The pain is not as bad but it is still there. I am now even slower when negotiating the steps. I don't know what it is. It is a pain in the ass, seriously it is a deep throbbing pain in my ass. The physios suspect that I have had a muscle spasm so the remedy is anti inflammatories, rest and then strengthen with Pilates.

My body is breaking down and all I have done is eat, sleep, sit and perhaps walk a bit more than I did when I was in Perth. 

Here is my theory:
The risk of injury is high if you are an athlete.
The risk of injury is just as high if you are not an athlete.
Solution? surround yourself with physios. 














Gratitude

Good morning London, I am so grateful to see you; as always, you faithfully remain just outside my window in all your grey glory. I am so thankful to be here.

I used to look in the mirror and hated what I saw. So much so that I would avoid most mirrors except, of course, when I had to get up in the mornings to get ready. I would slap on some make up and attempt to dress well because sometimes it would make me feel better; sometimes it would mask the crap human being that I felt I was.  In my mind, an epic battle raged and unfortunately, the light was fading. I could not turn that annoying voice off in my head; I am ugly; I am a loser; I am stupid; I am a bad daughter; and the worst one - I will never be good enough.  My expectation of myself was so high that not even God could reach it. I felt like I was failing in life all the time.

One day I woke up and told myself to fuck off.

It was great.

I employed the strategy of bombarding my mind with positive material whenever I had that urge to be unpleasant to myself. Now, I collect and store favourite pick-me-up websites or articles on my iphone for quick access.

Here is one of my favourites:
www.marcandangel.com

and I love this article:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/08/30/12-things-happy-people-do-differently/

But what I really wanted to share with you today is this wonderful journal that I purchased for myself a month ago.




It reminds me to practice gratitude everyday. It is such a quick and simple task but yet so powerful because when I focus on what I am thankful for, suddenly the world becomes that much more perfect. 

Today's entries:
I am happy and grateful that I can afford a heater to keep me warm at night.

I am happy and grateful that I have sensation in my face because then I could enjoy the crisp cool air on my face when I walked to work today. 

I am happy and grateful that I don't have a tumour in my spine (I had a sudden onset of pain in my lower back yesterday which has now resolved with anti inflammatories. In my initial moment of panic (I couldn't walk), I was convinced that I had a spinal tumour but I will tell you more about this in the blog to follow.).

So what are you thankful for today?