Gratitude

Good morning London, I am so grateful to see you; as always, you faithfully remain just outside my window in all your grey glory. I am so thankful to be here.

I used to look in the mirror and hated what I saw. So much so that I would avoid most mirrors except, of course, when I had to get up in the mornings to get ready. I would slap on some make up and attempt to dress well because sometimes it would make me feel better; sometimes it would mask the crap human being that I felt I was.  In my mind, an epic battle raged and unfortunately, the light was fading. I could not turn that annoying voice off in my head; I am ugly; I am a loser; I am stupid; I am a bad daughter; and the worst one - I will never be good enough.  My expectation of myself was so high that not even God could reach it. I felt like I was failing in life all the time.

One day I woke up and told myself to fuck off.

It was great.

I employed the strategy of bombarding my mind with positive material whenever I had that urge to be unpleasant to myself. Now, I collect and store favourite pick-me-up websites or articles on my iphone for quick access.

Here is one of my favourites:
www.marcandangel.com

and I love this article:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/08/30/12-things-happy-people-do-differently/

But what I really wanted to share with you today is this wonderful journal that I purchased for myself a month ago.

It reminds me to practice gratitude everyday. It is such a quick and simple task but yet so powerful because when I focus on what I am thankful for, suddenly the world becomes that much more perfect. 

Today's entries:

I am happy and grateful that I can afford a heater to keep me warm at night.

I am happy and grateful that I have sensation in my face because then I could enjoy the crisp cool air on my face when I walked to work today. 

I am happy and grateful that I don't have a tumour in my spine (I had a sudden onset of pain in my lower back yesterday which has now resolved with anti inflammatories. In my initial moment of panic (I couldn't walk), I was convinced that I had a spinal tumour but I will tell you more about this in the blog to follow.).

So what are you thankful for today?