Why am I going back to cold weather and whinging poms?

I am sitting on my ikea couch, finally having a moment to still my mind and be conscious of my nearly emptied out shed (aka my granny flat). My life has been neatly packed into 4 boxes.

I am finally here, but it certainly did not feel quick to get here.

My life for the last year has been entirely consumed by this move to England and with it, of course, came a roller coaster of emotions.

I suppose it is time to let the cat out of the bag.

Please do not try this at home.

I am pregnant.

Just kidding. But this is what I told my mum right before I announced that I was moving back to England. So you could say that she took the news well once she had recovered from the pregnant statement because apparently, nothing could be worse than a single asian pregnant woman in the twentieth century.

Next came the million dollar question, "Why?". So I rambled on about how life in the UK was great, less sun, more rain, cold weather, fantastic lifestyle etc. She saw straight through this and in more or less words, told me to cut the bullshit.

"You are doing this for a boy".

Yup. She hit the nail on the head.

I suppose I should explain.

When it comes to talking about my current relationship status, I always approach with caution. I have this irrational fear that if I announce a new love loudly and proudly, I will jinx myself. Of course this would mean the immediate demise of the relationship and the world would end and worse of all, another ex would be added to my ex collection. So for irrational reasons, I kept this quiet to the world by not changing my relationship status on Facebook.

But now that crunch time is in 8 more days, I guess I really should let the cat out of the bag. Just who is this mysterious man that managed to trick me into moving my whole life over to the England? Well. You know the saying that a picture is worth a thousand words...

The Bindian

We had met ages ago in 2010 but we finally got together last year when I went to visit the UK. Now he will tell you that I tricked him into this long distance relationship but don't be fooled. Just look at his picture, would you trust that face?

Unfortunately, I did. 

Now I find myself in an empty shed with a one way ticket to London :).

My decision to go was not always met with positive responses. Particularly since I had made the decision in a week after we had only been dating for a few months. Yeah I can see why family and close friends were screaming about red flags popping up everywhere. But I could also see me holding a big green flag and doing the macarena. It is all about perspective, I am 30 with another, hopefully, 40 years ahead of me. I am young, so now is the best time to take risks and take chances because there is plenty of time ahead to make up for anything that needs to be made up.

Besides, sometimes you know that a decision is right for you, even if there is no clear logic behind it, because it just feels right.

Now here I sit, packed.
I have my sponsorship visa in hand.
I have my airplane ticket.
I have a job to go to.
I have my life.

Now all there is left to do is to just go.

But geez louise I am hating these goodbyes.

He loves me

From the moment I first laid eyes on him, I was caught hook, line and sinker.

My love level went from 0 km per hour to 220 in an instant.

I loved him whole heartedly and I did not even know him. 

It was a dangerous kind of love. 

The kind that knew no boundaries, no conditions and no limits. 

I was a goner from the start.

You could say that I was transient for large chunks in time. So I suppose he never had the chance to get to know me well. I guess that kind of makes me feel better if I think of it that way.

But in hindsight, I do not know how I managed to get through every physical and emotional rejection that he threw my way.

I would try to give him a hug. He would push me away.

I would try to kiss him on the cheek. He would turn his head.

I would say hello. He would refuse to say it back.

He would clearly state no to every expression of love that I offered to him. It was gut-wrenching. But still I would come back for more.

I tried different tactics and strategies based on advice from friends and family.

"Spend more time with him"

"Maybe you are just too full on"

"Bribe him with food"

"Try not to look too eager"

I did this. I did that. I did it for the last two years. It didn't feel like anything was changing. It didn't feel like our relationship had improved.

But then just the other day, something amazing happened.

I told him that I had to go. He asked me to stay for ten minutes longer.

I asked him for a hug. He walked into my arms willingly.

I told him that I was leaving for England, he asked me why would I do that?

I promised him that we would Skype. He agreed as long as we skyped for every day that I was out of Perth.

I told him that I would visit next year. He said okay, but when I did come to visit, could I just stay?

***
These photos are a little bit outdated but for some reason he does not like to take photos (especially with me). I am working on it though.

It has not been easy. But I suppose the things that are worth it never usually are.

Creative writing challenge (Oldie): Short fiction horror

So in the last year or so I have been dabbling in random creative writing challenges. 

I wrote this one a few months ago in response to "What is the best horror short-story you can come up with?"

Enjoy.

*** 
“I want you,” I whispered in to her ear.
 
She gazed up at me totally infatuated with my cocky smile and my grey intense eyes. I had her exactly where I wanted. She was a pretty little thing. Brunette. Just the way I liked them.
 
“We really shouldn’t.” 
 
I responded by nuzzling into her ear, making her gasp. I knew it would not take her long to succumb. They all eventually did.
 
“No. Please stop. I don't want this.”
 
Lies. All lies. They would all resist to begin with, pretending to guard their virtue only to be begging me to take them in the end. I continued to kiss her neck, despite her struggle to push me away. I gently placed both of my hands on her shoulders to calm her and to also secure her incase she tried to run.
 
I liked it here. It was perfect. I would take them on a ‘date’ followed by a romantic stroll deep into the woods. 
 
‘There is this beautiful lake where you can see the sun set and the moon too if it decides to come out and play.’ I would say. 
‘Oh how lovely, do show me!’ They would always respond.
 
They would all shriek in delight at the view once the woods opened to reveal the lake. It really was magnificent. The stars are always so bright and so clear, never having to compete with any other light since the closest town was so far far away. 
 
She was starting to struggle a bit. 
 
“You are hurting me.”
 
“Have you noticed how peaceful and how quiet it is here?” I asked in a silky voice while tightening my grip. 
 
“Let me go!”
 
“Did you know that trees are natural sound barriers?” I whispered.
 
In one quick move, I had her pinned to the ground. Her flimsy dress had ridden up in the process, revealing her thighs. 
 
“And do you know what that means, my dear?” I continued.
 
Her panicked look excited me. She slowly shook her head.
 
I leant down to whisper in her ear. “It means that noone can hear you scream.”
 
The moon had now risen and was showing its full ugly face. Oh how I loved it when the full moon was out to play while I was out to play.  I got a kick out of knowing that the moon had and would be ‘watching me’ commit this act yet it could never reveal my little secret. 
 
I paused to admire the moon before turning my attention back to her. She was facing away from me.
 
“What was it that you said about the trees being a natural sound barrier?” She asked.
 
I was taken aback. By now they were usually beside themselves, hysterical and begging to be let go. But she wasn’t any of these. She was still and she was calm. Her head was still turned away from me.
 
“That noone can hear you scream,” I smirked.
 
She began to slowly turn her head back towards me. But something was wrong. As she turned, the moonlight began to reveal some kind of creature with a distorted and twisted face that had rotting flesh falling off its cheekbones. Her eyes were just black pupils. 
 
I screamed falling backwards off her. Off it. 
 
She or it grinned to reveal sharp shark like teeth. I didn't even have a chance to run before she pounced on me, holding me down with her claw like fingers.
 
She leant down towards my ear. All I could smell was rotting flesh. “That’s what I thought you said” she snarled.

***
If you are feeling creative, write me one. X

Celebrations & Grievances: 2014 so far...

Every 6 to 12 months or so I decide that I have something to write about again. I am feeling good, I am feeling refreshed and I am feeling super motivated. So I get online, I start anew and I write. Which is how it should be, until I discovered this time round that in my previous enthusiasms, I had started several other blogs with many unfinished posts that were scattered across Tumblr, Blogspot, Wordpress and even Quora.

I have so many.

Thus began the culling process and unexpectedly a reminiscence session of times of when I was down, up and just scattered in the last couple of years. Some posts I wish that I had finished, some posts I am very glad that they remained unposted and others were just plain jane boring. But never the less I am glad that I am here culling down to just one blog.

So hi everyone, it really is good to see you again.

"It is usually a celebration or grievance that will bring a group of people together. But in this case, it is both a celebration and grievance that Minh is leaving. Celebration that she is moving up in the world (literally) and a grievance because we are losing her". This was the introduction of a farewell speech spoken by one of my work colleagues at my leaving do yesterday. His words touched me on a deeper level that not many people could ever know. For this year up until now has been a mixture of joy, frustration and deep sadness for me. I am celebrating that I will be moving to England indefinitely but I am grieving because I am leaving a lot behind.

The process has not been easy. The parents, as much as I love them, have had much to do with this. Dad has been silent and withdrawn about the inevitable move. Mum has been opposite, frequently reminding me that it is another bad decision that will end up like every other mistake that I have made in my failing life. Sometimes I can wear this on the chin because I know, I really know, that deep down they love me and that they don't want to see me go. But other times I lash out because I am frustrated and hell, I am only human too. It is not a pretty sight. Sticks and stones may break bones but words do hurt. Sometimes I think fractures may be easier to deal with because at least it will heal quicker. Patience. Patience. Patience. I must constantly remind myself of this because I have hope that one day they will see that my decision is right for me.

The happier part to this though is my joy joy joy of being reunited with Joy(jit) and of course, England. Can you remember what it felt like to be a child looking forward to going to the movies or just out with friends? Time would slow right down for me, I could never sleep the couple of nights before and I would always feel like I could burst with how happy and excited I felt. This is the feeling that I wake up to every day (once I do fall asleep), now that the count down has begun.

I hope to stay in touch and post regularly but deep down I think we all know that I am and will always be a hit and miss kind of blogger :).

For your reference:
Here is a picture of the cause of my celebrations and grievances for the year 2014 (in a good way).